Nine Months, Three Decades, and Will I Ever Sleep Again

It’s wild that January is almost over. Captain Laser Pants has a business trip to San Diego in a week and I am freaking out for a hundred reasons. I don’t want January 31st to come. One one hand I’m so proud of him for such a great career advancement, and on the other, I’m jealous and feel left in the dust. But that’s another post for another time.

Tomorrow 2.0 will be nine months old. He’s starting to wear 18 months clothing. He weighs over 21 lbs. He crawls, waves, shakes his head “no”, occasionally says ” hi”, and loves to walk with help from mom or dad. He still doesn’t sleep more than a few hours at once and my nerves are fried because of it. We’ve poured over baby sleep books, websites, tried advice and old wives tales, and nothing is “working”. We’ve even tried formula, which he dramatically coughs at and begins to scream like a banshee (no exaggerating here, he sounds like a demon from hell when he screams). It’s difficult not to compare kids, but mini Gwinn was delightful at this age (with a mane of glorious hair), sleeping 14 hours a night, talking, and never perpetually grouchy. Ugh. I just want him to be older, like, NOW. I haven’t even touched on the guilt I have for not being able to successfully divide my time and attention. It feels like mini Gwinn is getting the shaft, all the while still remaining a precious big brother and sweet little guy.

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I turned 30, quietly, a couple weeks ago (partially because ten people remembered, six of whom were family). CLP took a step in the right direction in that he accomplished the act of remembering the date, but that was the extent of celebration. My mom and dad visited and brought a delicious lemon blueberry cake, a scrapbook she made of my life, and a gift card. Rather than raising my expectations of him, I’m just doing things for myself. We talked about it, it’s passed, no point in being upset (I’m almost totally over it).

I saw a therapist for postpartum depression, but she was the female version of Harry Carey. I’ll have to keep looking, but that’s a step in the right direction, I suppose.

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Does anyone have any tips for cutting a three year old’s hair without traumatizing him?

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About mombieconfessions

I am a sarcastic mom, tried and true INTJ, my DISC profile has a high D and C with low I and S, and I'm a quirky geek (love me some Star Wars, BSG, Firefly, Dr, Who and comic books!). When I grow up I want to be an Amazon warrior with super powers and an awesome costume. Music and literature are passions, cooking and baking are hobbies, and writing a blog (such as this one) is both a cathartic release and documentation of the growth of my family and myself. View all posts by mombieconfessions

2 responses to “Nine Months, Three Decades, and Will I Ever Sleep Again

  • st sahm

    Hello, my beautiful young friend! Happy belated birthday!

    I was loading the dishwasher tonight when I thought of you. You have a lot going on as usual but your tone sounds different..maybe..even a little sad. I hope I’m wrong. I wish I could offer sleep for you or at least the option to party while you aren’t sleeping!

    Keep trying to find a therapist or a counselor. When you find the right one it’s like shedding off a backpack of bricks and NEVER picking it up again. Reasonable for you to feel bummed about your love jetting off to sunny San Diego solo while you keep the homestead safe..in..the blah..of winter. Boo to that!

    Good luck with G’s hair cut. I have photo proof of the bad things I did to my son’s hair thinking it would be easier than a salon.

    • mombieconfessions

      Thank you!

      You’re an astute lady. I don’t feel like “me” lately, and it may be the combination of no sleep and ppd. I’m still looking for another counselor, thank you for the encouragement.

      We cut big guy’s hair today and it was nuts. Over four inches off in some places!

      I want to give you a big, big hug, and celebrate this new life in you with you.

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