Never Again

Last night, in the middle of our bed time ritual, mini Gwinn’s face nuzzled against my neck just seconds before I put him in his crib for the night. The monumental realization hit me: he will never be this small again (not that 27 lbs. is small for a 14 month old). We will never have this night again.

I think all parents, particularly moms, have this epiphany at some point. It may spur the “let’s try for 2.0!” thought in some, maybe bittersweet thankfulness for going through the last round in others.

This past Sunday I shattered my phone (so for those that haven’t gotten text message responses or called with no answer, you now know why), and without the assistance of Facebook, have almost effectively been cut off from society completely. This has given me even more opportunity to immerse myself in the every moment of my little Fox. If anything, from last night’s realization, I took away the message to invest in his moments. The big stuff, like walking on his own, is obviously grabbing my attention. But his precious peals of laughter? The crazy phrases he says when I’m only half- listening (two days ago he said, “Ok guys!” what the heck, kid?!)? I don’t want to miss any of him. This is the last day he will be this age, this small, and at this point of development. And, I have to tell you, interwebs, he is such a cool toddler. He wears his sunglasses, willingly, at the park. He says funny things, like, “Ta da!”. And while I realize that I can’t eagerly await his every movement or sound, I can be present for him, no phone in hand, no TV in the background, more often.

That’s a concept I’m taking into my marriage, too. Captain Laser Pants is a rare man (for more reasons than his imbibing of orange soda and bizarre dance moves) in that he talks to me, like REALLY talks to me. There are times, for instance, when he is fresh from the gym after work (somewhere between 8-9 PM), and I am exhausted, but he wants to tell me about something he heard on the radio, or something from his work day, and I struggle to listen to him. Again, not that I can be 100% absorbed in my husband every second of the day, but when he wants to talk, I want to be present for him. He’s amazing and deserving, even if he is monumentally forgetful, and he is mine. My boys deserve the best of me, even when I’m tired or distracted, because never again will we be at this point in our lives as a family.

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About mombieconfessions

I am a sarcastic mom, tried and true INTJ, my DISC profile has a high D and C with low I and S, and I'm a quirky geek (love me some Star Wars, BSG, Firefly, Dr, Who and comic books!). When I grow up I want to be an Amazon warrior with super powers and an awesome costume. Music and literature are passions, cooking and baking are hobbies, and writing a blog (such as this one) is both a cathartic release and documentation of the growth of my family and myself. View all posts by mombieconfessions

13 responses to “Never Again

  • st sahm

    Delicious moment

  • Mom

    This is beautiful and so true! Those precious and sometimes very tiring and trying moments with little ones are fragile memories before you know it! Savor every minute…. with all of your loved ones!

  • allthingsboys

    This was so great! It brought back all those times with my guys (they are 16 & 17 now). That was the best time, because people weren’t tied to phones and computers like they are now. I remember thinking that for many years I could just be “mom” and do little else but live in their world. And it is truly the coolest thing ever. Enjoy, it goes by in the blink of an eye!

  • nothingbythebook

    It always seems kind of patronizing to say “How wonderful that you recognize this” or something like that — but. Um. How wonderful that you experienced this moment. Its awareness. Living in the moment with wee kids is harder than I ever thought possible before I had wee kids, and it’s so lovely when we have those flashes of “yeah, this is what it’s all about” and aren’t waiting for this challenging or that stressful phase to end.

    • mombieconfessions

      I didn’t take it that way at all. 😀 Your insight is always on point! There are days when we forget how important being present for our kiddos really is, and we get wrapped up in the (never ending) laundry, or the crumbs on the floor or Pinterest (guilty). It drives me up the wall when I see mothers looking at their phones instead of the children dying for their attention right in front of them (this happens all the time at my Target). Your little beans are lucky to have you as their mama!

  • susie boganowicz

    there is an awesome, tear-inducing book called (i think) “the lasts”. the concept is that we always remember “the firsts”, but do we notice when it is ” the last”. like the last time you rock your baby in the middle of the night. makes one very aware of the fleeting time we have as mommies. Beautiful blog, btw!

    • mombieconfessions

      Thank you, sis! I pulled up the Kingsbury book on Amazon and started tearing up just reading the description. It is so easy for us to check out of the important moments and get caught up in the whirlwind of a mom routine: wake up, coffee, feed kids, yadda yadda yadda, put kids to sleep, fall on couch. Thank you for being such an incredible (seriously) mom to your boys and for living the example of investing in your children’s moments.

  • susie bogdanowicz

    “Let Me Hold You Longer” by Karen Kingsbury…not “the lasts”. sorry.

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