Letters to Your Husband, Present and Future

Last week’s blog on baggage and intimacy (as seen here) received more feedback than anything else I’ve written on here to date. Emails, text messages, and Facebook messages came pouring into my inbox. So many of us are walking around with hurt, some with the help of a significant other, and some without. One message in particular spoke volumes. Without revealing too much, she told me she is waiting for the right man to be brought into her life. I don’t know about you all, but waiting is one of many things at which I am dismally horrible. After a marriage, a child and a divorce, I cannot begin to fathom the pain of waiting that she is experiencing. So, in a brief moment of wisdom and/or clarity, I suggested that she write letters to her future husband any time she was feeling lonely or that the wait was too hard.

This morning, as CLP had his arm draped over my waist and was snoring in my ear, I thought about how devastated I would be if we were separated. We truly are two halves to one whole. A light switch turned in my head and I appreciated the snore (really), the weight of his forearm on my stomach as he slept. There are so many tiny moments of our relationships that we take for granted with one another. When he leaves the leashes next to the front door after walking the dogs, I have to check my attitude on occasion- should I be upset about the minor inconvenience of three leashes on the floor, or should I be grateful that I have a husband who takes time from his morning to walk our dogs so they’re better behaved for me later in the day?

For our first anniversary gifts, we wrote letters to one another. As you can imagine, mine was long, detailed, filled with lots of commas. I poured my tired little heart out. His letter to me mentioned the fact that he tells me how much he loves me every day. While at first I was just a teensy bit sad that his letter wasn’t three pages long like mine was to him, it occurred to me that a) yes, he does tell me every day (what a lucky gal I am!) that he loves me, and b) men, no matter how cerebral and verbose, communicate differently than women. The letter is in my jewelry box, where some of my most precious, costly gifts sit.

Where am I going with this?

Write a letter to your spouse, whether or not you are currently married. If you’re writing a letter to your husband, break up the length (for his sake). Date it. Men need to know their wives respect them- tell him you do. They need to be desired- tell him you do. Does he wash your car or mow the lawn? He’s taking care of you, above and beyond the big stuff that matters. Tell him thank you. If you’re a dude, write a letter to your wife. Work to make it long (for her sake). Women need to know they are loved- tell her you do. Remind her that, of all the women in the world, you chose her. Does she make you dinner or go grocery shopping alone so you don’t have to endure the store? Thank her.

Letter writing is a lost art. If you’re stuck or you can’t find the words, copy someone else’s love letter. There are epic, legendary letters of men to women and women to men out there from some of the greatest minds ever to have lived and loved. Seek inspiration. Check our your spouse while they’re getting ready in the morning. Be inspired by the love they have given and have taken from you.

No Shakespeare? No problem.

Letter writing is not something you have to build up to doing. Working through emotional baggage, trust, respect and communication- all very important!- can be done while you’re honing your sonnet skills. A little note card with an “I love you. Let’s make out later.” written on it can be slipped into a work bag or taped to a mirror.

If you’re not married, let your spouse know you are waiting for your relationship with anticipation. When you feel lonely, writing it out to your partner is a good exercise in healing together before you’ve even begun. Let your future spouse know your triumphs, your failures, and your heart. Don’t be a stranger to the pages- someday the person who will know you best will be reading them.

Don’t be intimidated by a pen and paper. Your heart and your mind were some of the reasons the two of you fell in love in the first place.


About mombieconfessions

I am a sarcastic mom, tried and true INTJ, my DISC profile has a high D and C with low I and S, and I'm a quirky geek (love me some Star Wars, BSG, Firefly, Dr, Who and comic books!). When I grow up I want to be an Amazon warrior with super powers and an awesome costume. Music and literature are passions, cooking and baking are hobbies, and writing a blog (such as this one) is both a cathartic release and documentation of the growth of my family and myself. View all posts by mombieconfessions

6 responses to “Letters to Your Husband, Present and Future

  • Ruth Gill Warren

    Your Daddy…”Pops” to you…is a man of few words. We started our courtship 45+ years ago with letter writing because that was the way things were done at the Christian university where we met. His letters were so precious, especially since he also drew cartoons in them. (That was probably to fill up the space!) Since we have been married, I cherish the notes that he sends to me and the letters he writes….rare but treasured! It is so much easier for me to write something then for him to (he does not like to write letters) that it is so meaningful when he does!

    I always like to write a letter or a note before I go out of town and leave it under his pillow. I want him to know that I will miss him, wherever I may go and that I love him so much!

    Last year when I was cleaning out my childhood home I found a bag of my Daddy’s letters to my Mother behind a bed. Those letters are frail, torn, but reading through them gave me so much insight into my Daddy and how romantic he was! They were so beautiful! And they didn’t appear to be treasured. Sad.

    I better close…. I have a letter to write!

  • Saint Stay At Home

    ^ RGWarren, that is so sweet you write a note to your sweetie before leaving town. ❤ that idea!

    Mombie, you write so well and your blog makes me smile.

    Do you think hand written love letters aren't
    as common because of advanced technology?

    We still pass notes. And I agree with your sentiment.

    • mombieconfessions

      She is a total romantic. 😀

      Thank you!! Your blog brings a big smile to my face as well.

      I think that technology plays a big part in the lost art of handwritten letters, but I would also attribute (in small parts) the public education system, the general attitude of society today (by that I mean the “not knowing your neighbor” mentality), and the displacement of interest in maintaining a long term relationship (in the “olden” days, letters were a piece of the romancing/ courting game).

      I love that you still write to one another! An email just isn’t the same. ❤

  • BerenEstel

    Some men know how to write letters. Some of us aren’t married and write/post them online.

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